Edit this Article. Jess, 28, failed to tell her ex that she was going to start dating her friend, and it ultimately backfired. Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read , times. First Dates. This may be especially important if you broke up with your ex-partner recently and are still feeling raw over the break up. Skip to content. It's OK to come to your partner for advice if you're arguing with your friend, or vice versa, but absolutely resist the urge to belittle or insult one of them to the other. If they are, consider splitting the load.
Lots of people have told me unequivocally that they would never date a friend's ex. They wholeheartedly believe that it's wrong, disrespectful, and if a friend did that to them, they'd never talk to that person again. They believe this is something everybody knows, that they're just following the rules. What I've noticed, though, is that every person I've heard espouse this worldview was straight. This rule is almost never stated or enforced among queer communities. If you're gay, you will almost inevitably date a friend's ex at some point. Queer communities are often small and insular, and once you've found one, you tend to hold on to it for dear life. It's difficult to meet people you're romantically interested in beyond an already-defined circle, and outside of your city's queer scene, most people you run into are likely to be straight. Even if you meet someone to whom you think you have no previous connection, a minute conversation almost always reveals that she went to high school with your college roommate, used to be on a volleyball team with that girl from your book club, and had a six-month stand with your favorite barista. Queers don't tend to expect our dates to come into our lives completely free of prior complication. We know our backstories will be tangled and intertwined. I can count the degrees of hookup separation between my closest friends and myself, and usually come up with no more than two or three.
Which is, of course, the people you already know. They likely know the restaurants you like and some of your Game of Cating fan theories — they also probably know all the gory details about you and your ex. There are pros and cons to all of these scenarios. Who cares about what other people think?
This is usually solved by being up front with both your ex and their friend and asking. But friendships are complicated. You loved or at least liked your ex, so it makes sense that you vibe with their friends. But sometimes the best thing you can do after a break up is to totally switch things click at this page. Dating new people can be dreadfully hard, we get it, but branching out is a good thing.
Their social proximity, dreamy eyes, and the ease of already having access to the Instagram profile aside, why this person? At the risk of stating the obvious, people who are friends usually have a ton of things in common, including personality dating your exs friend.
Or do! Karen Fratti Updated August 28, FB Tweet ellipsis More. Image zoom. The CW. Close Griend options. All rights reserved. Close View image.